When the Past Comes to Haunt

Just when I was about to make my first step ahead, a glimmer from the past pops in my head. The road I'm about to take seems familiar. I'm standing on a pedestal which looks exactly like the one I was standing on when I began my journey many years back. But this time around the feeling was different. Before, I was exhilarated and numbness was due to being overwhelmed with happiness. Today, I stand on the same stepping stone, however the feeling of numbness that fills me is not due to overwhelming happiness, instead, it almost feels as if my stomach is being shoved by a clinched fist. My nerves send chills to my spine. I know what this feeling is. It is very much familiar. Despite the arrogance of the pain, I am forced to stop, feel and accept it. This time though there is big difference, and no matter how familiar the feeling is, this time around I was prepared for it. A gleaming sigh of hope enwraps the chills, giving comfort through the pain. It's sustainable now.

I am about to take my first step. The Chills don't subside, instead they grow even more. Then out of nowhere, my frame starts to fall. Undoubtedly I have fallen down on my knees and sweat begins to flow rigorously from my temples and back. Flashes of familiar pictures fill my head even though I know I stand on a field. What visions have consumed me? I am not to blame, it has taken over and I see not, but its verdict, all pouring without halt like a gushing wound punctured deeply. The flashes continue penetrating into my mind images I dare not look into for fear of indulging my self with feeling I wrought not to feel. My knees feel weak and I tremble inside. My flesh shivers and my hairs stand on end.

Regret has come back to haunt me, as if telling me that I have been ridden the right to take the journey ahead. Black as night and fearful as death, I endure through its miseries one more time and feel its daunting pains. The pictures are gruesome and I try to erase them from my head. I plow through the air, shaking my head as if it could be shaken off. And yet to no avail it has come to accompany me through the arduous journey ahead. It is not to be taken, it is not to leave. Like a shadow it has decided to follow me. And like the shadow, when it gets dark, it haunts me, it taunts me, forever making me see the perils I've made.

I try to stand in the upheaval. And little strength do I have battling it out. I am weak and it has taken the spirit out of me. The wounds it has left has scarred my heart and being as I take my first step on my journey on foot.

Alextorian